to know & not to do is not yet to know.

i am emotionally unavailable, yet i feel content.

he is my rasta boy.

i like him, he likes me. i respect him, he respect me. but when we’re together, we can’t really talk.

we’re both shy, you see?

when we’re together, we listen to the songs that we both like, we smoke the same type of cigarettes & we both drink Savanna Dry.

we don’t really talk, but we laugh a lot.

he always come to my place, i always go to his place. & the best part is, no one knew about it. i meant, our close friends here, they didn’t know anything about us. for them, we’re a friend to another friend.

we can chill in the same bedroom. share the same bed for more than 5 hours. talk about why smokes came out from the air conditioner in my room or why there is fan & air conditioner in his room, still we’re not doing anything.

but yesterday, in his bedroom,

he said, “let’s make out.”

i smile, “i am not a libertine.”

“i don’t value sex”, he replied.

i said, “i don’t value guys, they come & go like Saturday through Sunday, Sunday through Monday.”

& there’s a long silence between us till the Sun rise.

never lose a chance, it doesn't come everyday.

bila berada dalam satu keadaan di mana;

hati aku sangat sakit

jiwa aku rasa kosong

perkataan dendam bermain di kepala

keinginan untuk curang terlalu tinggi

amarah seiring dengan laku

rasa jelik membuak-buak

jijik pada rasa sayang mula tercipta

hati mula tawar pada segala hal

air mata hanya mampu ditelan

apa yang terbaik aku mampu lakukan

adalah

biarkan nikotin berlegar

di dalam dada

&

ruang atmosfera.

.

.

.

lelaki, aku letih.

no post title.

sejak masuk sini aku banyak berperang dengan perasaan. juga dengan manusia yang asyik menjatuhkan, tapi tak pernah menyokong. alah. aku tak minta pun. cuma aku akan buktikan yang apa aku buat ni memang berbaloi. kau apa tau? bukan masa depan aku kau yang corakkan.

bukan juga aku dah jadi sombong sejak masuk sini. jujurnya aku sibuk. aku tahu akan ada yang kata aku sibuk menggatal, sibuk mabuk, sibuk apa-apa lagi lah. untuk pengetahuan kau yang tak tahu, aku sibuk belajar; membuat assignment hampir tiap-tiap minggu, juga aku sibuk kerana aku bekerja. pagi sampai tengah hari ke kelas. petang sampai malam bekerja sebab nak bayar sewa rumah & yuran belajar & etc. malam sampai pagi berparti. itu lain cerita. bukan hari-hari pun.

bukan aku nak lupa kawan-kawan, bukan juga aku nak buang yang rapat-rapat, bukan juga aku nak buang kekasih hati, tapi sejak masuk sini aku tak nak hilang kawalan. sebab aku cepat tersasar. sedih sikit dah tak boleh buat kerja. itu aku. tapi aku sentiasa ingat, sentiasa cakap rindu, dalam hati.

untuk engkau, engkau, engkau & engkau yang sejak awal aku masuk sini asyik jatuhkan aku, aku maafkan. sebab kau manusia, aku pun manusia. kat mana pun kau belajar, swasta atau awam, yang bezanya adalah niat kau. semuanya atas kau. cepat lambat kau dapat kerja nanti, semuanya atas kau. bernilai atau tak sijil kau nanti, semuanya atas kau.

tapi aku sedar, bila kau buat apa yang kau suka, bila kau habiskan duit untuk apa yang kau suka, kau tak akan main-main. kau bukan setakat akan sungguh-sungguh, tapi kau juga akan jadi lain.

ada satu insan yang aku sayang sangat tapi tak pernah suka aku masuk swasta selalu cakap kat aku bila aku lemah merapah,

“ada hati, apa pun jadi.”

terima kasih. keputusan mid-term aku dah keluar.dia betul. ada hati, apa pun jadi.

god, am i losing your faith or you losing my faith?

A sunny day in the park. There is a single bench CENTRE stage. GOD is sitting on the LEFT side of the bench. He has long, white hair and a long, white beard, and is wearing a simple white robe. He is reading a newspaper. Enter PETER from the RIGHT. He is wearing black pants, leather shoes, a white shirt and a garish, comical tie. He is carrying a paper bag. PETER sits on the bench next to GOD, setting his bag next to him. He folds his hands and admires the weather.

PETER. Beautiful weather today.

GOD [focusing on his newspaper]. Mm-hm.

PETER.[Extending his hand] The name’s Peter.

GOD [shaking PETER’s hand]. God.

[GOD returns his attention to his newspaper.]

PETER. Um… God?

GOD. Yes?

PETER. Not to be rude, but… your name is God?

GOD. I am God. Or at least I was God.

PETER. I… see.

GOD. You don’t believe me.

PETER. Would you?

GOD. No. But it doesn’t matter whether or not you believe in me. I’m not God anymore.

PETER. Why not?

GOD. I stopped.

PETER. You stopped being God?

GOD. Yes. It was far too stressful.

PETER. How can you stop being God?

GOD. I’m God, I can do anything. Or at least I could do anything.

PETER. Can you go back to being God?

GOD. No. I can’t do everything anymore.

PETER. Because you’re not God anymore.

GOD. Haven’t we been over this already?

PETER. Sorry.

[Pause.]

PETER [muttered to himself, shaking his head]. God.

GOD. What is it?

PETER. Nothing, I only-

GOD. You want proof, don’t you? You people always want proof.

PETER. Well-GOD. Fine. Here. Your name is Peter Keyes. Your birthday was yesterday. You turned thirty. Shall I go on?

PETER [sputtering]. What… how did…

GOD. Because I remember. I used to know everything. That included the little things.

PETER. So you really are…

GOD. Was. And by the way, that secretary you always flirt with used to be a man.

[There is a pause. GOD returns his focus to his newspaper. PETER takes out a sandwich from his bag. He takes a bite and chews it, his glances constantly going back to GOD.]

PETER [after swallowing his bite]. So, God. What’s it like in Heaven?

GOD. It’s alright.

PETER. “Alright”? It’s only “alright”?

GOD. You might like it.

PETER. I “might”?

GOD. You have a very annoying habit of repeating what I say, did you know that?

PETER. I’m just surprised that eternal salvation is only “alright”.

GOD. It’s not much worse than where you go if you’ve sinned.

PETER [taking another bite of his sandwich]. Hell?

GOD. Quebec.

PETER [Stops in mid-chew]. Quebec.

GOD. Yes.

PETER. The province.

GOD. The one and only.

PETER. That’s where you go if you’ve sinned.

GOD [nodding]. Quebec.

PETER. I thought the bible said “hell”.

GOD. That’s a typo.

PETER. You make the mysteries of the universe seem very simple.

GOD. They are.

PETER [leaning]. Alright then… here’s another one for you.

GOD. Go ahead.

PETER. How did the universe begin?

GOD. I don’t know. It was here when I got here.

PETER. When you… got here? You mean you haven’t always been around?

GOD. I’ve always been around. And since I need somewhere to exist, the universe has always been around as well. We pretty much arrived here at the same time.

PETER. Not even you know how the universe came into being?

GOD. Is it important?

PETER. Well…

GOD. Is it required knowledge for your day to day existence?

PETER. Well, no, but…

GOD. Then who cares?

PETER. Never mind. [Finishes his sandwich, and notices the article GOD is reading] I heard about that. Nine dead, twenty three injured? What a shame.

GOD. Yeah, sucks to be them.

PETER [incredulously]. Sucks to be them? Shouldn’t you be a little bit more compassionate?

GOD. Why? I don’t know them.

PETER. But… but you’re God!

GOD. Was God.

PETER. Are, was, what does it matter? I would think that even a former supreme being would be more empathetic.

GOD. It’s not like I had anything to do with it.

PETER. People died!

GOD. Montreal is nice this time of year.

PETER. Were you like this when you were still God?

GOD. More or less. You’d be surprised how quickly you tire of altruism.

PETER. So you just sat back and let people suffer?

GOD. No, I delegated suffering detail to a couple underlings. I mostly worked with irony.

PETER. Like what?

GOD. Like the one time I hit a guy with a truck while he was chasing after his winning lottery ticket.

PETER. That’s horrible!

GOD. It’s funny, and you know it. I got tired of it eventually, anyway.

PETER. I thought you were a being of infinite patience.

GOD. There are many misconceptions.

PETER. So who’s in charge now that you’re gone?

GOD. Ian. He’s a dick.

PETER. …Ian.

GOD. Yeah. Watch your step with Ian.

PETER. Who’s Ian?

GOD. The Supreme Being now, I suppose.

PETER. Was he an angel?

GOD. Yeah. He’s also a complete dick.

PETER. I’m guessing you don’t like him.

GOD. No one really did. He’d always ask for money and then never pay us back. And he smelled.

PETER. So how did he become God?

GOD. It just turned out that way.

PETER. Arbitrarily?

GOD. Not entirely. He won the raffle.

PETER. There was a raffle to decide who would become God…

GOD. I won a toaster.

PETER. …And now the new God… is a dick.

GOD. Yeah. Watch your step.

PETER. How so?

GOD. He’s letting the new position get to his head. So just watch out for the minor stuff. Floss after every meal, don’t step on the cracks, that kind of thing.

PETER. How do I know what to do and what not to do?

GOD. He’ll probably kill your dog or set your house on fire or something.

PETER. What!

GOD. He was never subtle.

PETER. That’s terrible!

GOD. By the way, what kind of sandwich was that?

PETER. Uh, ham and cheese.

[GOD winces.]

PETER. What? What is it?

GOD. Ian's a vegan.

PETER. He is?

[A fire engine siren is heard nearby.]

GOD. That’ll be for you.

PETER [rising]. My house!

GOD. I hope nothing important was in there.

PETER. Everything was in there!

GOD. Well, not anymore.

PETER. I don’t believe this…

GOD. Sit down, you’re making me nervous.

PETER. I’m making you nervous? I’m making you nervous? Well excuse me, but my house just burned down due to a deity’s culinary tastes!

GOD. You’ll get used to it.

PETER. I’ll get used to something horrible happening after doing something minor?

GOD. You don’t have much choice, do you?

[PETER attempts to formulate a retort, but finds himself unable. He picks up his bag.]

PETER. This is your fault, you know.

GOD. Oh sure, blame me.

PETER. It’s your fault the universe is now ruled by a… a tyrant.

GOD. It’s always my fault. You humans are always looking for a scapegoat, and it’s almost always me. You should be more like platypuses.

PETER. Platypuses?

GOD. Platypuses. I mean, just look at them. They’re ridiculous. But I never hear a complaint out of them. Not one.

PETER. That’s because they’re not capable of complaints.

GOD. I suppose you think of that as a bad thing.

PETER. I think of sentient thought as a good thing.

GOD. Enabling you to complain?

[A cell phone rings. GOD takes it from a pocket, but does not answer it. He allows it to ring again. And again. And again.]

PETER [with sudden impatience]. Are you going to answer that?

GOD. I always let the phone ring a few times. Keeps them on their toes.

PETER. “Them”?

[GOD puts a finger to his lips to silence PETER and finally answers the phone.]

GOD. Talk to me. Mm-hm. Mm-hm. Uh-huh. Yeah. Yeah, alright, I’ll be there in five. See you then. [Putting his cell phone away, getting up] It’s been nice talking to you, Paul.

PETER. Peter.

GOD. Whatever. Maybe we’ll see each other again some time.

PETER. Hmph.[Goes to exit RIGHT]

GOD. Oh, and Peter…

PETER. [Stopping] What?

GOD. Ian hates novelty ties.

[PETER opens his mouth to say something, but suddenly freezes. He clutches at his heart and falls to the ground. GOD walks to his body and nudges it with his foot, then takes his pulse.]

GOD. Oh my. [Into PETER’s ear, loudly, as if that would make him be heard] BE SURE TO VISIT LA RONDE.

[GOD looks at the body for one more second, shrugs, and exits stage LEFT.]

boleh sambung baca di sini. credited to barnabus.